No Fairy Tale

"Thwack!"

The last of the thorny wall fell away in front of the flashing blade. Through the newly created opening in the hedge plunged the knight, his armor glistening gold in the sunset. He threw a quick look around him. Behind him there was the seemingly immeasurably long, ten foot high wall of brambles he had just finished cutting his path through. But there, only steps away now, was the glistening marble tower that had been his goal all along. It shone like a pearlescent needle lifting gracefully into the darkening sky, smooth sides glimmered with the pinks and purples of the setting sun shining in a picturesque manner behind it.

He quickly crossed the few feet of carefully manicured lawn still separating him from the tower. A quick search turned up a large wooden door on its east side. He tugged at the door, and looked surprised as the door swung easily open. His pearly teeth glinted as he smiled eagerly, and began to race up the spiralling staircase directly inside the door. The stairs stretched up and up, but the knight wasn't even breathing hard as he finally arrived at a trapdoor in the roof above him. Now a simple plank of wood with a brass handle was separating the knight from his ultimate goal. Bracing himself, he pushed violently upwards through the trapdoor. It shattered in tiny wooden shards all around him as he burst through it and into the stone room at the top of the marble tower.

There she was. She sat on a small wooden chair in the middle of the room looking bird-startled at his dramatic entrance into her room. Her golden hair flowed all around her body down to her feet and pooled around her perfect ankles like a puddle of liquid gold. Her blue dress seemed to contour to her curves perfectly, leaving only the white skin of her flawless hands and neck exposed. To the knight, she was the picture of loveliness, the princess he had fought so hard to reach and rescue. She regained her composure and graced him with a perfect smile.

"At last you have come!" she exclaimed. The knight stepped towards her welcoming form, removing his helmet as he came and shaking his artfully unkempt golden locks back over his shoulders. He raised his gauntlet to his chest and exclaimed.

"At last we meet! You are even more lovely than I imagined." She blushed gently. Then she raised her arms entreatingly to him.

"I have waited so long for you to rescue me from this lonely tower! Come, carry me away and we shall live happily ever after!" His brow creased slightly at this.

"Now, hold on there just a moment. There are considerations for this sort of thing you know." She looked puzzled, her arms still outstretched but beginning to droop a bit.

"I... don't understand?", she said plaintively.

"Well, one doesn't just run off and live 'happily ever after'. I mean, we'll have to get our own castle for starters. I'm afraid my parents' dungeon just won't cut it.", he explained matter-of-factly.

"My father has promised half the kingdom to any who would rescue me!", she cried. He seated himself on the floor heavily.

"Oh yes, and that's all well and good, but there's still the matter of finding our own place, settling on a mortgage payment, portioning the peasantry out, building flocks, deciding whose parents to name our first child after..." Her arms slowly dropped to her sides as he continued listing matters that must be dealt with before their marriage. When he paused for breath she looked confused and a little hurt.

"I... do not understand. Why do we not leave this place and ride into the sunset together, happy in each other's arms? This is happily ever after, is it not? You have rescued me! Do you not want to carry me off and live in bliss?" She sounded almost plaintive at this last statement. He got up and gently took hold of her arms and looked condescendingly into her eyes.

"Of COURSE I do, darling. But you must understand that happily ever after doesn't happen on its own. We must work these things out! This isn't a fairy tale as you seem to think, this is life!" He let her go and began to pace, working into the swing of his soliloquy. "I can't simply carry you away into the sunset! There's much more to it than that. We must consult with our parents, also with the sages to discover the possibilities of children from this union. Come now, this is the truth of the situation, no fantasy as you suggest! Now, be sensible and let's get down to business."

Her eyes began to overflow with the tears she had been holding back. She moved quickly towards the trapdoor and began to descend the stairs. He quickly raced to the trapdoor and called after her.

"Hey! Where are you going?" She swung around, her lovely eyes flashing.

"You can just go be sensible on your own! Go plan your castle and your flocks by yourself, you do not need me! You do not even love me! If you prize your precious 'real life' and 'responsibility' so much, may it bring you the happiness that you would steal from me! If you will not carry me away as a princess should be carried off, I will find a prince who WILL!"

With these final angry words, she turned and stormed down the rest of the stairs, sobbing. The knight stood there dumbfounded. He finally shook his head and tore his stare away from the stairs. He gathered his armor together again, mumbling something about 'silly romantic women with their silly romantic ideas', and slowly made his way back to the base of the tower. Whistling for his steed, he rode back through the thorny hedge, calculating in his head the gross average payment on a castle in the next kingdom over.