Numb

Essence dulled
Smothered spark
Stirs the depths
Past death-mark
Through cold lips
Whispered night
Senseless void
Vanished light
Heartbeat stutters
Kill the beat
Silence breathing
Incomplete

Neurotransmitters

Heart of my black
Broken shining shards 
Pierce my hesitant feet

There. See the lights?
Crashing into sound
Voices in maelstrom winds

If I die, you carve
Roses in the death-dance
Flying silk clover darts

Kaleidoscope
Cacophony brilliance
Never better, never worse

Bipolar brain
Spider tethers to earth
Bloody bliss fragmenting

Stone. Hold me fast. 
There. Feel it twining. 
Pulling my soul
Into brownish suffocation
And come back

I Hate You

I hate watching her write
Knowing I won't see
The product of her hands
The fear
The pain
The careful wondering and holding of thoughts
All captured in words
That I will not see

I hate seeing her hide
When she cannot look
Cannot see
What I try to be
What I try to say
When I try
When I can
But she can't

I hate the things I have lost
The tiny pains and papercuts
That press against my veins
And bleed my soul
Dry of emotion
Dry of life
Dry of feeling
Till I cannot remember another way

I love the void I cannot have
The escape I am not afforded
The failings of them
The failings of me
My failures
My fault
Until the tiny darkness swallows
And the last of hope becomes the first of despair