I am....

You scored as Neo, the "One". Neo is the computer hacker-turned-Messiah of the Matrix. He leads a small group of human rebels against the technology that controls them. Neo doubts his ability to lead but doesn't want to disappoint his friends. His goal is for a world where all men know the Truth and are free from the bonds of the Matrix. Neo, the "One" 100% Batman, the Dark Knight 92% The Terminator 63% James Bond, Agent 007 63% Captain Jack Sparrow 58% Lara Croft 54% El Zorro 54% The Amazing Spider-Man 54% William Wallace 46% Maximus 46% Indiana Jones 38% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

*sigh*

I'm pretty tired now... I've been feeling sick for the past five days now. No, I don't need to go to the doctor, there's nothing they can do for this, it just makes life generally miserable. And I've been slacking off on homework so I'm feeling pressured now with tests here right before thanksgiving.

But on the bright side, I went to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire last night!! It was verymuchcool. They cut out some things that were fairly integral to the book, but they made the plot work quite nicely without them. And honestly, who likes house-elves anyways?

Aaron and I were/are still planning on going to the Texas Renaissance Festival this Saturday but it's looking like we may not be able to. Time, money, homework, those kinds of things. Oh, but I do have tickets to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra the day after my wedding!! YAY!!!!

Me ^_^

You scored 17 Intelligence, 11 Wisdom, and 6 Charisma!

All stats are based on the original D&D system of 3-18. 3 being tragically weak and 18 being olympic level ability. Odds are you will be more towards the middle for most things (the middle being 10-11), as that is where most people should be. If you scored above 18 in any skill, I highly suggest you go back and read the directions closer. Especially if you scored above an 18 intelligence, you need to take the test over and only answer ONCE on the first page. Taken properly, it is not possible to get above an 18 on any stat, unless you' over 70 years old. Get the other half of your stats at this companion test.

You scored 7 Strength, 9 Constitution, and 11 Dexterity!

All stats are based on the original D&D system of 3-18. 3 being tragically weak and 18 being olympic level ability. Odds are you will be more towards the middle for most things (the middle being 10-11), as that is where most people should be. If you scored above 18 in any skill, I highly suggest you go back and read the directions closer. Especially if you scored above an 18 strength, you need to take the test over and only answer ONCE on the first page. Taken properly, it is not possible to get above an 18 on any stat. Get the other half of your stats at this companion test.

Painted Daisies

As I write this, I am wearing my new lovely wedding gown and veil. They're both so lovely... And for those of you who are worried about the previous post, please do not be. I wish I could post pictures of the dress on here, but I can't for fear Aaron would see it. Suffice it to say the it truly is a lovely dress, and an even more lovely veil. Most of you will see it come the day!

Next step: find rings.

So foolish, so stupid. The certainties of one minute obliterated by the blind thoughts of the next. There is no more hope. No more last chance. I am not worthy at all, how dare I call myself such? Wanton ignorance and desires I hold on to with all my tight-fisted greed. I am worthless, nothing in me is desirable or lovely. I am on my face pressing my hands to the ground wanting the cleansing dirt to scrape away the flesh I wear. How can I be saved? How can I be saved?

Eloi, eloi, lama sabacthani?!

Query

My compy has been reformatted. I have gone to karate camp, and returned with many bruises and ants. I have weathered a Hummel test. My program has been written. My parents have come and gone.

Yeah, that's about it.

Potential for Disaster

Everyone please pray for my hometown of Dickinson as we face the possible devastation of Hurricane Rita. I never thought that my home would actually be in the path of a hurricane this dangerous (which is a foolish thought considering I live practically on the Gulf coast). My family (and my cat) have evacuated as most of you know, and at the moment I believe are planning on coming here. Just pray for my city, please. It's a frightening thought to think that the place you've lived all your life could just be washed away in a day.

Sometimes I just want to sleep and never wake up again.....

Sometimes I feel so... disillusioned with the world. There is nothing perfect or truly beautiful here, and those things that come close are the things I fail to see or appreciate. I try to stop and look at all the loveliness around me, but my mind always wanders back to the pain I feel inside. Trying to work things out, trying to understand relationships and people, trying to be the woman I am meant to be and get everything done I need to do... I get so lost sometimes.

I try and try to be perfect, to not be so foolish and impetuous and impatient and discontent. Yet in all the moments where I feel I am finally attuning with God's heart, I fail, I fall, and lose myself in what the horrible 'inner' me wants. I want to be an empty tool, free for God to use, but in me is all this clutter and emotion and confusion that constantly cloud my mind and make me forget Who it is I serve.

All these questions I can't seem to answer... am I still my own person, will I be after this covenant, how can I best serve my friends, am I truly serving my God or just seeking after what I want.... so many questions. I strive to give them to God and let them be, but they don't seem to stay there.

Yes

Yoink!

For some reason, my entire apartment, me included, have been suffering from depression. I keep finding myself wanting to curl up and cry. Some of the old desires have returned but thank God they are not strong. I do not know what I can do about this. Feelings plague me and I cannot simply ignore them, though I do try. I am confused, hopeless, and lost. I am praying that God will hold me and the others. Prayer seems effective only when I am praying for others. Then I always see results, but I suppose I am not in the best position to evaluate what God is doing for me.

Will I ever find what I am seeking? Am I meant to keep searching forever? Or does what I look for not even exist?

OUCH

And my wisdom teeth are out. Be grateful you can't hear me try to talk right now. At least it doesn't hurt as much as an hour ago.

This is kind of how it is.





.....

Okay, maybe I'm not quite that stupid. But it is kinda funny.

Gah....

Well, I lost my job this past Wednesday. No warning, no advance notice, I just came in and Brenda said "After today we won't need you anymore." It's not because of me, it's that apparently they hired someone who will do all the work students used to do. It kind of sucks, but I don't really care. The only problem is that because of this I am going straight home after my trip.

My trip, which starts tomorrow, consists of me and Aaron going to Missouri and then going with his parents to Idaho. I'll be back next Wednesday, at which point I will have to drive straight home with my mom. *sigh* I spose it'll be nice to be home for a couple of weeks....

*hits herself repeatedly over the head*

So me.

Wow. I just found this webcomic that is me. I absolutely love it. Check it.


Who Are You in the 10K Commotion? (10 Questions to Find Your Inner 10K Star)
brought to you by Quizilla

Twoo Wove

...and as proof that my boyfriend loves me, he is, right now, sitting on the floor in his living room with his monitor in a chair, and a keyboard and mouse just within reach, just so he can play Diablo while on the phone with me. We discovered we have free mobile-to-mobile minutes, so we figured we'd just call each other and use headsets while we play together, cause it's faster than chatting in-game. But, since Sharpton went to sleep early, we couldn't talk while he was in his room. So he moved his entire computer to the living room, just so we could play like I wanted to.

God, I love this guy.

New stuff!

Greetings, peoples! I've been busy with whatnot and stuff school ended, mostly involving a 12-day-long trip with my parents to Glorieta, New Mexico. Glorieta, for those of you who don't know, is a major Baptist Conference Center. Dad wanted to go for Sunday School week (where they talk a lot about Sunday School >_<) so he dragged all of us with him. It was pretty fun, as we got to go see Becca on our way there, and I got to beat her at DDR again. New Mexico itself was gorgeous, but the fact of having to spend hours in a trailer or van with five of my family members made it.... interesting. I didn't do too much there, but when it was over we made our way to the cousins in Denton. They're awesome and we've known them forever. So, after a night of bowling and more DDR (yay!), we traveled back to Longview.

It's so nice to be home again. I haven't been away from college for that long ever before. I missed my bed... *snif*. But in other news, before the trip this, my fourth AMV was finished. As before, those who want to dl it can use the randomrachel password random login to download it. I'd appreciate any and all feedback, as I feel that this vid is an improvement over my last three.

Oh, and if anyone feels like getting me Adobe Premier, I'd give them a lot of cookies. ^_^

*sneezes*

Almost..... over..... three more days and school will finally be over for the summer! Just have a research paper on Jackson Pollock to finish and then, sweet freedom! Well, freedom mixed with camping trip and moving to Trinity halls for two weeks, but freedom nonetheless!

Oh, and FFVII has successfully been conquered (in your face, Sephy!), and VI awaits. Though I'm trying to finish my second run-through of X2 before that. Meh, we'll see. I want Halo....

No Title Here

I'm not tired anymore, at least. Now that class starts at ten in the morning, I find myself waking up BEFORE my alarm.... which is, needless to say, irritating. *sigh* I feel so pent up, and I keep exploding at people (like Aaron). I don't know why.... perhaps it's just my frustration with my apparent lack of self-control. Who knows, maybe I have more self-control than most people, maybe I have less, but it just doesn't seem like enough anymore. I want to have that relationship where I felt God so close to me like I used to. But even that, I'm not sure I want, because back when I felt that I was still really depressed. Now, I'm not depressed anymore but I also don't feel God as strongly as I used to.

It's strange, taking life with a smile and bouncing around like I do now. I sometimes don't understand what I'm doing or why. Yet here I am, hardly ever upset or angry anymore. I like it, it makes me a better person to be around, but it means I'm getting this pent-up-about-to-explode-or-something feeling a lot. *sighs again* Things are just so odd, and so tense sometimes. I have new responsibilities at work, new apartment-mates whom I like but don't know yet, new concerns (and old ones) about relationships..... the list goes on and on. At least I'm still consistently generally doing okay. Sometimes I just wish people could see down through me and see my inside soul, and hug that tiny part of me till it felt better.... *another sigh* I'm still praying, and hoping that God will help me. Anyways, that's just my emotionally-charged rant for today. I shan't be this depressing usually. ^_^

Long summer

It's been a long summer so far... getting up at 8 AM and working right after class, then homework every night. Thank God my first class is over, although its effects are still being felt. Tonight I sat down to watch a movie for fun, and I found myself commenting on how the use of classical music in the background and the contrasting clothing of the people in the scene created the image of intelligent man versus mindless populace. Gah. I should shoot myself now.

On another note, Fine Arts starts tomorrow, and I may be off to Pennsylvania. (Yay!) It means I'd miss class, but it'd be worth it if I get to go. I really hope I do, sorta.... And I am learning to do cool stuff in my job and thus getting more hours, which makes me happy. So, all around, life would be good if I could just get a weekend to relax....

Oh, and I've been playing some old compy games from this site. Most are free. My favorites are Callahan, Xanth and Dink Smallwood (go 16-bit!). Check it out. ^_^

Sleepy.....

Wow, it's been a while.... Um, well, I finished finals alright, did well in all my classes. After that was a couple days of happy bliss and then the moving day. I am proud to say that in one day I got all my stuff packed, the room spotless, moved my stuff, and unpacked it all. So now I live in the on-campus apartments, and I must say I like it much better than the dorms. I still share a room with Paige, but I have a full kitchen and a living room too. It's really great.

On another note, summer classes started far too soon and are far too early in the morning. Every day I get up at 7:30 and go to class and then at noon go straight from class to work until five. The good news is I rarely have to work that long. The bad news is that that means less money. *sigh* And I'm still praying for Aaron to get a job too, cause it's really hard to live in the apartments where you have to buy your own food without an income. Anyways, it's only been a week and a half of this but I feel like it's been an eternity. At least it gets easier in one week....

I DON'T GET TO GO SEE STAR WARS TONIGHT!!!! *cries* I was going to go to Tyler and come back the next day (tomorrow), but then I found out we were scheduled to do a presentation on Thursday morning! I couldn't risk losing all that sleep right before a presentation, so I'm stuck going later this weekend. I'll prolly go when I go to see KT graduate. That'd be fun.

Life is generally all-around happy, with the exception of perpetual allergies (still!) which drive me crazy. Rachel is a fun apartmentmate to have. ^_^ And of course Paige is still an awesome roommate. So life is good.

Finally...

It's finally almost over.... Really, this semester has been difficult only in some areas. Overall, it's been fairly easy. I had three easy classes and two tough ones, and that's better than I'm expecting for next fall. Anyways, it's finally finals week and things are looking happy.

Finals Schedule:
M - Data Structures 7:30 AM
M - Fatness 12:45 PM
T - Programming Languages 12:45 PM
W - Discrete Math 12:45 PM

Aside from the Programming Languages final, it's shaping up to be fairly easy. For those who don't know, I now have a job in admissions, which is why I'm staying the whole summer. I've been at the job for about four weeks now. I really like it, so I think it'll be alright trying to work 20 hours a week and take classes over the summer. At least I have this week off of work so I have some semblance of an actual break (yay!).

Pray for my finals, please, and my sanity. I'm still waking up allergic every morning, though it's not so bad as before. And I'm always tired and usually grouchy, so pray for the people who have to be around me too. ^_^ Seriously, I don't know what my bipolar or borderline or whatever it is does to me, but it makes it difficult to just relax and let things go. I find myself getting angry over everything and being ecstatic over tiny things. It's very tiring, going from the depths of despair to elation and back over and over again. Anyways, I'm in a good mood now, so I'm going to go study (*cough*playDiablo*cough*) or sleep (*cough*playDiablo*cough*) or some such.

Oh, and also...

I love you Aaron!

WAH!

Too.... much.... homework.....

*dies under mound of paperw- um, I mean, is crushed by her computer!*

Post-break spiel

Well, spring break was fun. After making it back home Tuesday night, I started a little game of Final Fantasy IX. Oh, I love Final Fantasy.... it is truly the awesomest of games. So I've been playing that pretty much all of my free time for the past week and a half. Almost there....

I'm a little overwhelmed with stuff, but it isn't as bad as the beginning of this week. My data structures test went (dare I say it?) fairly well? *hides from the Baas-grading*. I won't know till Tuesday, but so far, so good. And this past week saw me working on programming in three different languages. Who woulda thought, being a programmer, that I'd have to program??

So other than homework, life continues well-ish. Aaron and I are preparing to see my family again for the third time in as many weeks... This is getting mildly ridiculous, but I really don't mind. It's just kind of strange, the feeling of mixing my worlds of home and college together... On another note, I may have a job! It'll continue through summer, if I get it, and I'll know on Monday. That way I can stay here for the summer! Yay!!!

Pray for me, please, for my homework to get done well. I'm really trying, but I am (like everyone else) wearing down. Thank you all.

Approximately 53.48750028% of the way through

You know, I don't really want the semester to end... especially if it means going home. I'd hate to be gone from my family for another couple of months, but I think I'd rather stay here. It feels like I've built more of a friend base, more of a social life here than I had at home in the couple of years I was there between colleges. Maybe I'm just not good at picking friends? Maybe I don't have the opportunities there that I do here?

Anyways, I got a lovely talk from Sandra (RD of s dorms) about my possible apartment venture with Paige, Rachel and Sharon. Looks like we might get in... *crosses fingers* It'd be so nice to be in an apartment in the fall.

On another note, wish me luck this weekend as I:

1. Entertain Rachel (the one from back home) for a day,
2. Drive to Tyler to play at an arcade (yay!),
3. Drive, possibly, to my friend Lydia's to hang with her sunday school group,
4. Drive home,
5. Survive home for two days,
6. Drive back to campus,
7. Retrieve foodstuffs, and
8. Attempt to survive a week without automatic sustenance.

*scans list*

Wow, I'm gonna be busy. And somewhere in that I need to finish my Fortran program. SO MUCH HATE!! And I need to do my next data structures assignment. But other than that, school now seems workable, especially compared to last week. Last week was the Week From Hell. Had an exegesis, a program, and two tests that week. *shudders at the memory* But now all is calm....

Have a happy spring break, all! I fully intend to, as soon as a certain situation is handled.... *goes Aaron-hunting armed with Sobe*

Because I Can

Oro.... @_@

The Notebook
Nicholas Sparks

"And her body began to tremble with the same anticipation she had felt the first time they were together."

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't search around and look for the coolest book you can find. Do what's actually next to you.

Courtesy of Paige.

*blink*

Wow. Been a while since I've posted. I have an excuse! I've been the sick... actually I'm just now getting better. My voice is almost back! (yay?)

Just for the heck of it....

You Are A Romantic

You are more romantic than 90% of the population. You life your life like a fairy tale... or at least you try to. Living for magical moments, you believe there's only one true love for you. Love is the most important thing in your life, and you don't take it for granted. Your perfect match loves to be in love as much as you do!

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

And, because I was curious....

You Are 11 Years Old

11 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

@_@
Yeah, wouldn't have guessed that one, now would we....

'Twas the Season....

I must share this, for all of you who don't know.

First watch this little gem if you haven't. It'll stay with ya for a while, I warn you.

Then look at this one...

Hey. It made me laugh...

Perpetual Narcolepsy

I survived this past Thursday, which has been by far the most difficult day of the semester, school-wise. I had a Data Structures program outline due, a Bible test, and Fortran programs due for PL. So I got next to no sleep Wed. night, but did get everything done! Yay!

I am finding though that school has apparently caused me, for no reason, to be perpetually sleep-deprived. I keep falling asleep at random times. Maybe I have napolepsy..... Anyways, I finally got my room decorations hung, and started on FF9. Apparently my SC2 skills need sharpening, as do my Magic skills. Oh, and if anyone has an XBox (with Halo 2, preferably) I would like to know, as I have not seen a single one since I came on campus. 'Tis very strange.

Oh yes, and my mum has started a blog. It's fairly impressive so far....

Ed-yoo-kay-shun

My first two weeks have gone by, and by now I think I have a fair grasp on what's going on in my classes, to wit:

Discrete Math - MWF 12:30 PM ("That's right, boys and girls, math is fun!")

Concepts of Lifetime Fitness - MW 1:30 PM ("You mean I actually have to move at some point?")

Data Structures - TTh 8:00 AM ("I now will proceed to stab a sharpened pencil through my forehead. Repeatedly.")

Biblical Foundations - TTh 9:30 AM ("Oooh, look at all the pretty lines...")

Programming Languages - TTh 1:30 PM (to Dr. King "Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something? Your sonorous monotone has caused my brain to go into cryogenic hibernation.")

All the classes look like I can pull A's except for Data Structures, which is going to eat my soul. Already. I've got three people at least who can help me, and I still feel lost.... Grar. I've got to make it. I will.

On a happier note, I am happy here. This is home. My loverly roommate got ponded today for her 18th birthday, for which we did not end up staying up all night watching LOTR. I have a boyfriend... of sorts.... we are best friends too, so that does make the terminology a bit quirkish. He tolerates me, though, and it's great to have someone to do everything with. ^_^

I am known by many by face and name. I have infiltrated several circles of influence. And I have succeeded in only missing two classes so far. Go me! Everyone, though, pray for the campus, and all of us, as we are all under serious pressure and are constantly being attacked this semester. God will keep us safe, and deliver us, but the road will be easier with more people praying.

Home

My compy finally got hooked up here, so now I can websurf! (small crowd: "Yay!") I've made it through a week here at Letu.... It seems longer, I swear. So much has happened this week. I discovered Data Structures *shudders*, I got a boyfriend (sorta), and I played D&D (in which my character died during her first round -_-;)! I dunno, it's like there's always something to do or someone to be with. It's exhausting. Yet, I love this place and everything here so much, it truly is home for me.

Anyways, life continues, homework calls, and in case anyone wants to know, I live on Thomas 308. My roomie is the inimitable Paige, which everyone prolly knows too. We get along pretty well. ^_^ All in all, I am happy. Thank God.

Reviews Needed!

Okay, everyone, this link will take you to my newly completed AMV. You will need a username and password to view it, so use the username: randomrachel - password: random (yeah, Rach, I originally set this up for you, hope you don't mind!)

Please watch this and leave me comments telling me what you think! I am in the middle of a couple of bigger projects at the moment, this was kind of a sidenote, but I still like how it turned out. Leave me feedback, please please please!!!

6 days left!