I Hate You

I hate watching her write
Knowing I won't see
The product of her hands
The fear
The pain
The careful wondering and holding of thoughts
All captured in words
That I will not see

I hate seeing her hide
When she cannot look
Cannot see
What I try to be
What I try to say
When I try
When I can
But she can't

I hate the things I have lost
The tiny pains and papercuts
That press against my veins
And bleed my soul
Dry of emotion
Dry of life
Dry of feeling
Till I cannot remember another way

I love the void I cannot have
The escape I am not afforded
The failings of them
The failings of me
My failures
My fault
Until the tiny darkness swallows
And the last of hope becomes the first of despair