So what does one do when one can't sleep? Maybe write. Write perhaps about what's on the mind, what is keeping one awake, what thoughts cross in the ungodly hours. I've taken to fiction or metaphorical vignettes when I've written before, but perhaps this once I will digress and speak as myself, not through the stark text of another's imagined brain.
The spectrum of people. So much like the spectrum of colors. None would say that the red is more pleasing than the green, or the indigo inherently more likeable than the yellow. We all seem to have different tastes, different preferences that are unrelated to good, bad, right, wrong, or any other supposedly innate consciousness. Thus we all are measured on the multidimensional slide rule of definition. Are we small? Tall? Nearsighted? Slow to speak? Spontaneous? Outgoing? Gullible? Graceful? Everyone can be drawn and fitted to some unknowably large number of factors. In the end we are all definable.
Judge us then on the strength or weakness of our numbers. I am too short, too quick, too large, too clumsy, too introverted, too sad, too cautious, too spontaneous, too talkative... any number of unsatisfactory numbers. Unsatisfactory to whom? Who sets the measure? Perhaps we can only know the precise number we are set to. All others, and their ramifications, remain a mystery to us that we try to solve by watching others along the measure, near and far from us. Observing all those others with whom we share the solution space of humanity, most particularly those whom we keep near to us, and to a lesser degree those we reject most vehemently.
So what makes one choose one person over another? How do the different aspects interact with each other? Does the cautious person seek to be with another cautious one due to their shared similarity in that regard? Or does he seek out the reckless one, curious about the other side of the balance? And if so, can the aspects they share serve as a binding reagent to the polarity of their differences? How much choice is really involved in the decision to associate? Can anyone, even those involved, be qualified to discern the true value to be gained or lost in that union?
But then, I suppose you don't have to defend what you like.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
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1 comment:
Yup, when I can't sleep I often write - and just as often, I am unable to sleep, though I might want to, because I must first write.
You ask good questions. I often wonder why we choose one person over another. Can we sense, mystically or rationally, who we will connect with best? Are we simply thrown about by chance and randomly stick to someone, like so many sand grains beneath the desert, slowly turning to stone in whatever company we happen to land. Are we really looking at the characteristics of ourselves and others, comparing and contrasting, and trying to measure up to the mental standards we posses?
Yes, there's something to what you say, but I would add another layer of confusion to your already chaotic mind. “In the end we are all definable,” simply doesn't ring true with me. People shift with their worlds and their situations. Consider Audie Murphy (medal of honor in WWII), he was a hero because he rose to the occasion and did something pretty impressive, and he's recognized for it. But would he really be a different person had the occasion never existed? Certainly he would receive no medal from Congress, but if there had been on war, would he be different in himself? In part, I'm asking if actions define self, or if self exists independent of actions.
See, if we are really definable, doesn't it necessarily follow that 'self' (or ego or soul or atman, or what have you) has a real existence? If that's the case, then actions are a reflection of self, therefore Mr. Murphy would be the hero whether there was a war or not. But the trouble is, this real self is not something observable, to anyone, including yourself. Others can observe action, and guess at our feelings. We can observe feeling equally with action, and our own thoughts, but all of these are only reflection – shadows – of the real self that we can't completely observe.
Do you see what I'm saying? How strange it is to choose who will be our friend, and who our enemy, and who we love, when we can not really know ourselves, and are ever further from knowing another.
Also, Killers Like Candy is strange name, but a very cool song.
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