I hurt a dear friend today, and I did so knowingly. I knew I was hurting her, ignoring her, and neglecting her after I promised not to. I justified it to myself, tried to rationalize what I was doing, but the truth is that I just wanted to get what I wanted. It's like I didn't care about anything else. Dear God, how could I have been so selfish? I am truly a calloused person who cares only for herself. Oh, how I wish I would just let go of me and let God have me!!
I talk about God's will, but I can't see it. I try to follow what God says and I end up only listening to myself. I can't give up though. I must try harder. There is a perfect God out there and He does have a plan and a way for me and I must follow it, whether I want to or not. What "feels right" isn't always what is right. And what I want is very rarely what is right. How long will it take me to learn this? And how long will I keep hurting those I care about?
Monday, October 25, 2004
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2 comments:
If you pray with a sincere heart and contrite spirit, God will help you overcome all of your weaknesses. Try it, I dare you.
*Hugs Em* I've been there too. Good news is you aren't too far gone to realize what you are doing. In other good news, you are also not so perfect that you have nothing in common with the rest of us or have fatal issues with pride. I love you, Em. You're learning. You're learning. And it's hard and good and beautiful all at the same time. (I hate to recommend a book at a time like this... but I just started reading "The life you always wanted" and so far it's been very good. You might find reading it helpful or at least encouraging.
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